stopping by to update the few readers that may still follow this blog or may click on the link i post on social media…..
just a few bullet points nothing too in depth bc ive learned not to say too much bc i may not be able to follow through, plus this isnt jumping on the new years resolution bandwagon, these are things that have been in my heart for a while. if you know me at all you will know that some of these things are going to be big changes for me, starting with:
- this unstructured girl is going to add some structure to her life
- this non schedule, non planning girl is going to start doing the opposite
- ive resigned from my job and plan to stay home with my family for a while
some of the things that have brought me to this realization:
my sweet bug, maggie, who has always been the light of my life has been getting on my nerves, i have been responding to her meltdowns and attitude issues with my own meltdowns… how confusing that must be for an almost 7 yr old. i know she and i have both been grieving in our own ways since we lost my sweet mom but i do not need to take my anger and grief out on her and that has definitely been my response to her lately. her trying to navigate her own confusing emotions with meltdowns and tears has led to me slamming doors of my own and leaving her alone in her room only to say on my way out, "i just can not deal with you right now"…or even better…"christian you need to deal with her before i physically hurt her". and these things were not said where she couldn’t hear me.
i had a panic attack on Christmas day in response to my step son nick (who has some personal challenges) making a mess with all of his toys and wrapping paper and boxes and excitement…because i did not set him up for success by making sure he walked into a peaceful environment so that he could be excited and make a mess.
i allowed william to dictate what he would eat for days on end by allowing him to only eat nutella for every meal. – i realize kids go through food phases, i lived off mac and cheese but it was getting out of control, nutella is super expensive AND messy! this may not seem like a big deal but this was adding to dinner time chaos and food meltdowns for every meal that he did not consume at school.
so I say all this to say, this is going to be a new year for me and my family. we are going to get ourselves in order and be a family, love each other, be kind to one another, help one another, look forward to seeing one other, spend time together and be intentional.
im excited….join me on this journey as I plan to start blogging again because yeah! i will have stuff to blog about rather than my life seriously mimicking ground hog day ~ SAME OLE SAME OLE.
bring on order from my life of chaos!!