today was thanksgiving as you all know and i was not really sure how the day would play out so i just took it one hour at a time. we went to my aunt beckys house today, that was not really out of the ordinary we spend a lot of holidays at her house. but mom wasnt there. her usual spot on the couch was empty, well until i sat in it. i missed her, we all did. no one really spoke about her, i think we are all scared, maybe scared that doing so will open the water falls and the tears wont stop. or maybe i am the only one who thinks that. i dont know. i really dont know much these days. i miss her. i miss talking to her. its been over 3 months since she has been gone. 3 months since i have talked to her. its the daily talks about nothing that i miss the most.
so back to today, i missed her. but i think she was with me - actually i know she was, see ladybugs were always our thing, at least after maggie was born, we always called maggie bug and then we would buy ladybugs and then when my mom and i got our matching tattoos we added a lady bug to represent our little bug.
today when i was following william around i sat down and there she was. this little lone lady bug crawling across the table. when i put my finger next to it, she crawled right up into my hand and i knew, i knew my mom was saying hi. it made me smile.